Holy Sh*t, I've Come a Long Way
"I'll take mundane and progress over cancer and shitty fashion choices all day long."
I scrolled through four years of my life this week and didn't recognize myself.
The week itself felt like it disappeared without my permission. Was I lacking presence and only half here, or was it just that boring?
I tell people this all the time, but we suck at our own advice — the boring shit and consistency without fail is the shit that creates progress. And most people quit when they're so close to the breakthrough. I'm no quitter and I do the boring work, but fuck dude, this week was bleh.
That said, I made amazing progress with a new client and I love it when they let me be creative and basically let me off the leash. What I don't love? Calls with two executives and my favorite little gal where no one's camera is on but mine. It's hard to read a room you can't see.
In my writing enrichments this week, I tried the voice memo approach again and that experiment was short-lived. I realized that enriching requires a deeper pause and think — the words come to life when I type them, not when I speak them. You live, you learn. I just pray to Jesus that when I finish the last 12 chapter enrichments, it all reads seamlessly. It should. But I secretly have a fear that a publishing company will read it and be like "this is horseshit, no deal."
And I'm sure some will.
But what I'm creating? I'm proud of it.
I researched one publishing company that I plan to pitch and will probably do more research tonight while my girl is at practice. The pitching part doesn't scare me — I'm a sales slut at heart. Give me a room and a reason to convince you why something matters and I'm in my element.
What does scare me? The rejection. The waiting. The possibility that I've poured all this work into something that doesn't land.
But here's what hit me this week:
I had to scroll through four years of content to find something.
I needed the exact words from my corporate exit announcement for Chapter 7. That meant scrolling through hundreds — literally hundreds — of LinkedIn posts to find it. And guys, it was wild. Watching the time machine play out in reverse.
My tattoos slowly covering more of my arms. My hair color and cut changing. My style evolving. Weight fluctuations. The year of cancer.
All the things.
And the time machine told me something I've been forgetting. Something maybe you've forgotten too:
You have accomplished more than you give yourself credit for. A lot can happen in four years.
I watched a video with a few girlfriends from a few years back. Since we made it, we've added a kid to the mix. I survived breast cancer. And my other dear sweet friend is battling terminal cancer that hurts me to even type. I don't know what to do with that except keep showing up.
Survivors guilt is the right term here.
So maybe this week was mundane. Maybe it felt like it disappeared. But I'll take mundane and progress over cancer and shitty fashion choices all day long.
Fuck, life is a blessing.
And my prayer when this book is said and done is that it hits people where they need it to. That it inspires them. That it gives them permission to attack this messy life as a hot mess themselves — because they are wildly capable.
Current Status:
19/19 chapters complete (structure)
Chapters 6 & 7 enrichment: Complete (6,600 words total)
7 of 19 Chapters are now fun! 12 to go.
New realization: Voice memos don't work for me. Typing does.
Publisher research: In progress (pitching doesn't scare me, rejection does)
Time machine scroll: Completed. Emotional damage assessed.
Chapters remaining: 8-19 (12 chapters to go)
What I'm learning: Sometimes the boring weeks are the ones that matter most. Sometimes scrolling through your own history reminds you how far you've come. Sometimes mundane is a miracle.
Still becoming. Still here.
(Okay, stepping off the pulpit now.)
