Sh*t Show Moments & Ugly Cries

“It's not the polished highlight reel. It's the sandwich rolls on the floor. The $3K tax miscalculation. The falling asleep mid-sentence because you've got nothing left. And then waking up the next day and doing it again anyway.”

I dropped my husband's sandwich rolls on the kitchen floor yesterday and was too tired to pick them up.

Later in the day, I miscalculated my taxes. Not by a minor number - by three thousand dollars.

By bedtime, I fell asleep in Josey's room after telling her to stop talking nothing shy of 23 times.

That's the tired I'm talking about.

Do you ever feel like that? Where you've been running a mental marathon that creates the trickle-down effect and just compounds over the weeks until you're like damn, I need a reset? Yeah, I'm feeling that. And not at all in a "please feel bad for me" sort of way, but just in a this-is-real-life-and-sometimes-it's-heavy sort of way.

Wednesday night I sat in my small group for the first time in a month - holidays had put us on hold. We were asked about our testimony, when we met Jesus and started a relationship.

Hard stop. Don't quit reading. This isn't about to be a come-to-Jesus moment or a damn sermon, I promise you.

They got to me and I cuss (yes, that happens at church). "Well shit guys, it wasn't a moment really. I find that it's been an experience that happens again and again. As I shift, grow, and change. As life throws new challenges and pains, I rediscover Him in new ways. It's not a one-and-done kinda thing."

And really, that is how most relationships and growth work - be it personal or business shit. It's evolving and moving and we adapt and seek help and guidance in new ways. Sorry (not sorry) that felt deep.

But for real, business has been amazing. My clients are the coolest and my work has been on fire lately. Creative, interesting, and still hitting the target for what people want to see. That feels good.

The book is getting closer all the time. I am loving (and simultaneously loathing) the enrichment process where I'm going through each chapter and making it a visceral and emotional read that takes you into the moments with me as a reader.

I don't want it to read like a guide, or a self-help book, or a business memoir so to speak. I want my readers to find themselves in the pages and come alive inside too. I want them to see what is indeed possible in their lives, and let them feel it all.

The good, the bad, and especially the raw and vulnerable shit show moments of ugly cries and fuck-ups.

Because isn't that life?

It's not the polished highlight reel. It's not the one-and-done transformation story. It's the sandwich rolls on the floor. The $3K tax miscalculation. The falling asleep mid-sentence because you've got nothing left.

And then waking up the next day and doing it again anyway.

That's the book I'm writing. That's the life I'm living. That's the real shit that matters.

Manuscript update:

Current word count: 46,661 words → projected 48,500+ after today's Chapter 3 enrichment (Chapters 1-2 complete, Chapter 3 in progress)

What I'm learning: Enrichment isn't just adding words - it's adding breath. Sensory details. Pop culture references. The profanity that makes it sound like me. The moments where you can see yourself in my story because we've all been there, just in different costumes.

The goal is 65,000-70,000 words. We're getting closer. One tired, beautiful, messy chapter at a time.